Cultivating Acceptance

How are you feeling in this moment?

Use one word to describe each emotion that you are experiencing – for example, 'thoughtful', 'concerned' and 'hopeful' – write them done in the space provided in the pattern provided.

See if you can make room for these feelings to be, just as they are.

Simply name them and acknowledge that they are there.

You do not need to like them.

Remind yourself that you are allowed to feel this way, even if it's uncomfortable.

Now, see if you can shift the focus of your attention to the pattern before you, and colour when you wish.

This moment is meaningful and it is yours.

Extending Compassion and Loving-kindness

Take this opportunity to be silently mindful about someone that you care for deeply.

Bring to mind three things that you like about them.

Write them down if you wish, and take some time to appreciate this person's presence in your life.

Consider the faces of strangers, and see if you can extend the warmth that you feel for your loved ones to these people too.

As you colour the mandala before you, imagine the compassion you feel extending to all living beings.

Feel loving-kindness expand with the colours that you add to the page.

May we all be happy, safe and free from suffering.

How are we designed to live?

A psychiatrist, namely, James Mallory, said, 'A person can never understand why he behaves the way he does nor the importance and implications of his behaviour until he understands who and what he is. If we don't understand how God has created us then we will not fully understand how we can grow to accept and love ourselves more.

A.W.Tozer said: 'We can never know who and what we are till we know at least something about what God is. So before we look at the psychological blocks that get in the way of self-acceptance, lets briefly explore something about God and his relationship with us. The Bible tells us that He is a personal God who created us in His image. (Gen. 1:26) as unique individuals, relating to us with love and acceptance.

God has made us with five distinct areas of functioning: we are physical beings, thinking beings, behavioural beings, emotional beings and spiritual beings.

1 Thessalonians 5:23 'May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.'

Selwyn Hughes, said that the 'soul' refers to our thoughts, feelings and decisions (in other words, our mind, emotions and will).

These different ares of functioning are not designed to work in isolation but in an integrated way. This helps us towards self-acceptance.

To live as God has designed us is to have these areas working together in harmony so our lives connect to God with a deepening relationship.

In my next postings, we shall explore the 'Waverley model', it explores how one area of our functioning can affect another. An example of this is, if we think we are 'stupid' then we will feel awful about ourselves, we may feel the need to conform to this label, and this will affect us spiritually.

We shall look at this briefly in my next postings.

Personal Reflection:

When I read through this short passage, it makes me see that when looking after your whole self, that everything you do has an affect on your spiritual wellbeing, regardless whether your religious or not.
Many people often disregard holistic healing, as a waste of time, when in actual fact this probably helps you more than any prescribed medication.
Interesting reading…

Set Your Intention

Create the intention to colour this picture in a pleasant, warm and relaxing environment.

Consciously carve out this time for yourself, and select a space that is quiet and peaceful.

You may wish to gather items like incense, candles, a soft cushion and a blanket for your own comfort.

Perhaps put on some soothing music to enhance the tranquility of your space.

Create your setting and remind yourself of the reason behind this.

I deserve this time, to relax and care for myself.

Hold this kindness and warmth with you while you colour mindfully.

Self-Acceptance Enhances Relationships

The positive impact of learning self-acceptance is that we are able to accept others more.

When we do not judge ourselves harshly, we don't tend to judge others harshly either.

When we have patience with the parts of ourselves we don't like, we will have patience with aspects of others we don't like.

When we don't accept our deepest desires and thoughts, and face our vulnerabilities, it is difficult to have close relationships.

To be intimate with another is to risk exposing the real 'me' to another.

Why am I afraid to tell you who I am? By John Powell

He explores ways in which we may adopt roles and play psychological games in order to protect ourselves from feeling insecure and unvalued.

If there is part of us that we would rather keep hidden, we put a barrier up around ourselves.

Having the courage to instead accept those parts will remove that barrier, and help us to deepen our relationships with family, friends and work colleagues in a healthy way.

In Thomas Harris' book : I'm ok, You're ok,' he describes four ways in which self-acceptance affects our relational style.

• I'm Not OK, You're OK

This is saying that we are inferior to others.

We can be dependent upon others' approval of us to meet our deep needs – for security, value and worth.

Co-dependent relationships are very often one-sided and unhealthy.

• I'm Not OK, You're Not OK

This response would be acceptable if we recognise 'there is no one righteous, not even me', (Rom. 3:10).

A negative attitude of critics may, rejection, self-pity and anger towards self, which we then project onto others, can create a wall around a person leading to isolation and distress.

This is not healthy.

• I'm OK, You're Not OK

A person with this attitude can be arrogant and contemptuous, imagining themselves to be superior in every way.

Alternatively, they can be independent and self-sufficient, keeping others at arms length.

This is not healthy.

• I'm OK, You're OK

This is the healthy way to relate to others.

When we value ourselves in spite of our weaknesses and faults – which is what self-acceptance is – we automatically communicate to others that they are also acceptable beings of value, just as they are, without pointing out their faults and weaknesses.

People who relate in this way are comfortable in their own skin and comfortable with others – even when there are differences and disagreements.

In order to enjoy good and healthy relationships it's important we receive the grace of God to accept who we are and live out the bodily principle, 'I'm OK, You're OK.'

Personal reflection

Sometimes when things go wrong, which for me can be quite often! We will retreat back into our shells, our own protective little bubbles where no one can hurt us. At the time we always believe that's the best thing to do. However, in my experience this means avoidance and more emotional issues!

As we mature in our lives, we made little changes as we begin to understand more about ourselves, and what we want to achieve. I suppose you could say that we are more laid back, willing to accept ourselves as well as the people we live with!

I think that this post reflects accurately on our culture and society today…

Now it's time for you to be honest and reflect upon yourself and relationships that you are involved in, believe in yourself, no ones perfect!

A Non-Judgemental Attitude

While you are Colouring take a moment to pause and observe the picture before you.

Notice the colours you have chosen and the aspects of the pattern that your mind is drawn to.

Allow the picture to be just as it, without wanting or needing things to be different.

If you notice critical or judgemental thoughts, this is not a problem.

Simply recognise that they have come into your mind, and then return your attention to the present moment, to the shapes and colours that you can see, and your breath as you breathe in and out.

With kindness and respect, simply observe what lies before you in this moment.

A Healthy Self-Love

It may not be easy, but we can learn to fully accept things about ourselves that we don't necessarily like.

Self-love is not about vanity, selfishness, egocentricity or arrogance.

It is about caring for ourselves, knowing and taking responsibility for both our strengths and weaknesses.

When addressing the object of self-acceptance, as the focus is on 'self' the danger is that we can become too self-centred.

It is important to have a healthy balance between our attitude to self and our attitude to others.

After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, that as Christ does the church (Eph. 5:29).

Yet we are able to 'love one another' (John 13:34)

A healthy self-love is not about putting our own needs first.

Being preoccupied with ourselves means taking our eye off God, and turning off a desire to extend unselfish love to others and live a life to the glory of God.

As we continue this journey, we need to spend time examining 'self', keep the following scripture in the back of your mind.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. (John 15:13)

Personal Reflection:

The hustles and bustles in life mean that all too quickly we can become engulfed into the manic mania in which we live.

The everyday stresses that impact our thinking, our emotions, and how we conduct ourselves in society.

Do you have a stressful job, deadlines to meet, meetings to attend?

Are you reliant on public transport, and it always being late, and then the road works! Errr! How annoying.

And this has all happened first thing in the morning.

When have we checked in with ourselves or asked a friend if they need some help getting to work, or help carrying something from their car as they have lots.

Do we recall someone vulnerable that person may need someone to talk too, grab a coffee with them and actively listen to them.

Most probably not. We haven't the time. We are too busy in our own little bubbles to look at for others.

This Self-Love is something I've not really done before. It's made me stop and think…

There's so much more to life that I'm yet to see, as I've become a spectator of life, just watching the world go round, and not actively engaging in any opportunities that have come before me.

My invisible illness seems to have swallowed me up, then spat me out, and now I'm ready to try and build a fruitful life for myself and my family, and friends.

What's you view point?

Mindfulness in Nature

What would it be like to colour outside?

If the weather is suitable and you are able to do so, you could try it.

You may choose to sit in the local park, in the outside space of a cafe, or in a garden perhaps.

Select somewhere with natural beauty and a peaceful energy for you.

When you reach this place, take some time to absorb your environment mindfully.

What colours, sounds, textures and scents around you?

When you decide to colour, allow these observations to inspire you.

Rest your attention upon certain colours that you see, and incorporate them into the picture you are Colouring.

Let Mother Nature be your muse.

Vital For Health

How we perceive ourselves and what we tell ourselves will have a direct impact upon our bodies and health.

An example of this is having self-acceptance, showing ourselves compassion and kindness. This is shown to lower stress hormones within our body and boost our immunity system.

Psychologists and educationalists also believe that in order to have good mental health we need to believe in ourselves. Self-acceptance.

When our self-esteem is particularly low, our thinking can become very self-critical and self-hating.

The longer we battle with the internal stress of hearing ourselves say things like, 'you are never good enough', 'you're a failure' and so on, the more our stress hormones will suppress our immune system. A simple chain reaction will take place.

The stress hormone, corticosteroid, can suppress the effectiveness of the immune system by lowering white cells, (lymphocytes). These white blood cells protect the body from being invaded by bacteria and viruses. (Saul Mceod, 'Stress, illness and the immune system', simply Psychology (2010).)

So, if our internal world is always screaming at different parts of ourselves with no acceptance, this causes a stress reaction, our immunity is lowered and we are more likely to suffer ill health.

Developing skills that eliminate negative thoughts and promote emotional health can have really positive effects on both mental and physical health.

Self-acceptance is healthy.

Personal Reflection:

So I already knew about how stress can affect your body causing ill-health, as I've been ill!
However, if it's known that relaxation helps stress, then why don't doctors offer advice such as mindfulness and Yoga, instead of administering drugs?
Drugs are addictive.
Relaxation classes such as meditation, mindfulness is available in the community, this therefore promotes socialisation and potential friendship and a routine to care for the whole person rather than one element, whereas prescribed drugs may help but not actually address the root of the problem, therefore your no further forward in your healing…..

Your thoughts?

Mandala Meditation

Focus your attention and affection on the mandala before you. Breathe gently in and out, and observe its centre, symmetry and intricacies.

Colour at your own pace and welcome the image of the mandala into your mind.

Notice how interconnected the lines are.

Each part adds something to the picture to make it whole.

Like you, it is beautifully multifaceted.

As you infuse your mandala with colour, allow your mind to rest in this sense of wholeness and connection.

Welcome all the different parts of yourself and express them in colour.